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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23445277">through the dark</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maharlika/pseuds/maharlika'>maharlika</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Thor (Movies), Thor - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abused Loki (Marvel), Abusive Relationships, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Human, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kid Fic, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Thor (Marvel), Sibling Incest, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:34:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,708</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23445277</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maharlika/pseuds/maharlika</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Everything okay, baby?” Loki asked, wincing at how hoarse his voice sounded.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Yeah, daddy,” Sleipnir replied, giving Loki a gummy smile. His two front teeth were missing, a reminder of the straw that had finally broken the camel’s back. Loki had been able to take it when Svadilfari was directing his fists only at him, but the moment the alpha had laid a hand on Sleipnir, Loki had taken his child and run. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>And now here they were, in an OPS office in another town, waiting for Thor to come and see if he wanted to take Loki in.</i>
</p><p>After running away from his abusive ex, Loki and his child are rescued by Omega Protection Services and transferred into the custody of a suitable alpha. This turns out to be his older brother, Thor, who he hasn’t seen in nearly a decade.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Loki/Svadilfari (Marvel), Loki/Thor, Loki/Thor (Marvel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>252</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>783</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm trying to allow myself to write with no pressure, so here it is. The most self-indulgent thing I can think of. Here there be copious amounts of hurt/comfort! The road to recovery is long and difficult and paved with mutual pining.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loki’s fingernails dug into his skin, blunted by the thick material of his jeans. There were fifteen minutes to go before the meeting but he’d wanted to be in early in the hopes that it would settle his nerves. It wasn’t working.</p><p>The sound of blocks falling over startled him into looking up, and his eyes flew to his son. Sleipnir was carefully stacking another series of building blocks, his head bowed in concentration. His glasses were slipping off his nose, as they often did. Loki hoped he could get a new pair soon. He was long overdue.</p><p>“Everything okay, baby?” Loki asked, wincing at how hoarse his voice sounded.</p><p>“Yeah, daddy,” Sleipnir replied, giving Loki a gummy smile. His two front teeth were missing, a reminder of the straw that had finally broken the camel’s back. Loki had been able to take it when Svadilfari was directing his fists only at <em>him</em>, but the moment the alpha had laid a hand on Sleipnir, Loki had taken his child and run.</p><p>And now here they were, in an OPS office in another town, waiting for Thor to come and see if he wanted to take Loki in.</p><p>The thought of it made Loki’s hand clench into his jeans again, anxiety making him nauseous, and he concentrated on that instead of all the other terrible things swirling through his head. The jeans were cheap but sturdy, secondhand from the OPS lost and found. Loki wasn’t going to complain, but it was strange to be wearing them.</p><p>Svad had liked him in dresses.</p><p>Before another wave of anxiety could hit him, there was a knock on the door.</p><p>Loki stared at it for a moment before he realized the person on the other side was waiting for him to answer.</p><p>“Come in,” he said weakly.</p><p>The door opened slowly, and Natasha poked her head in.</p><p>“He’s here,” she said gently. “Should I let him in?”</p><p>Loki swallowed back the first thing he wanted to say—<em>do I have a choice?</em>—and only nodded.</p><p>Natasha smiled and said, “We’ll be right outside.”</p><p>Then she was gone, the clacking of her heels following her, and Loki’s heart was in his throat suddenly. He struggled to keep his breathing in check.</p><p>A touch of a gentle hand to his own made Loki blink.</p><p>“Daddy?” Sleipnir asked. “Is Uncle Thor coming?”</p><p>Loki nodded, reaching a hand up to stroke his son’s hair.</p><p>“Yeah, baby,” he murmured, “and you have to be good, okay?”</p><p>“I promise, daddy.”</p><p>The solemnity in Sleipnir’s gaze almost made Loki cry. No five-year-old should look so serious, but his son had been through things no five-year-old should have had to experience.</p><p>Loki wrapped an arm around Sleipnir’s shoulders and kissed his forehead.</p><p>“Be good,” he murmured, though the words soured his stomach. It hadn’t mattered how good Sleipnir was. Hadn’t mattered had good Loki had tried to be. Svadilfari had hurt them anyway.</p><p>“Loki?”</p><p>Loki’s head snapped up, and he saw Thor for the first time in a decade.</p><p>His first instinct was fear.</p><p>His brother had always been large, and he had only grown larger in the intervening years. With his long hair cut short, its gold rusted to brown, and with the scar and the eyepatch across his face, he looked—menacing.</p><p>Loki’s legs turned to jelly. He had to stand. Had to do run. Had to do—something. Anything.</p><p>Had to please the alpha in the room, like a good little omega.</p><p>“Are you Uncle Thor?” Sleipnir asked, when Loki remained silent, unable to speak.</p><p>If Thor was surprised by Sleipnir, he didn’t show it.</p><p>Instead, he leaned against the doorway and smiled.</p><p>“That’s me, kiddo.”</p><p>Sleipnir adjusted his glasses and gave a curt little nod, then stepped forward and extended a hand to Thor.</p><p>“I’m Sleipnir,” he said, biting his lip as he kept his hand up.</p><p>Loki finally stood up as Thor took Sleipnir’s hand and shook it, looking as if he was taking Sleipnir very seriously. If Thor hurt his Sleipnir—if Thor hurt <em>his son</em>—</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you,” Thor said.</p><p>“Daddy says I have to be good,” Sleipnir declared.</p><p>“Baby,” Loki said, finding his voice, though it came out strangled.</p><p>“I’d say you’re doing great,” Thor said. He looked up and winked at Loki.</p><p>It was the wink that loosened the knot in Loki’s chest. Thor had always used to do that, letting Loki in on some joke or simply reassuring him. It had always made him feel warm. It made him feel warm now.</p><p>“Come in,” Loki said, when he realized Thor was waiting for his invitation. It was a bit absurd—they were in an OPS office, not Loki’s private space, but he supposed Thor knew how to take care of an…of omegas like him. That was what the file had said. That Thor had been volunteering for the OPS for years, and he had an excellent track record with rehabilitating omegas.</p><p>“Thank you,” Thor, smiling close-lipped at Loki.</p><p>He kept the door open behind him, then took the seat across from Loki, who sat back down with relief. His legs still didn’t feel like they were going to hold him.</p><p>Sleipnir glanced between the two of them, then went back to his blocks.</p><p>Loki licked his lips, trying to find something to say. He wanted to ask about the haircut. About the eyepatch and the scar.</p><p>In the end, he settled for, “You don’t have to do this.”</p><p>Thor didn’t automatically contradict him, which was a relief. He really had been trained for this.</p><p>“Did they give you my file?” Thor asked.</p><p>Loki nodded.</p><p>“You’re free to ask for another alpha,” Thor said. “I wouldn’t be offended.”</p><p>Loki nodded again. He licked his lips and tried to talk, but the words withered away as soon as he opened his mouth.</p><p>“Take your time,” Thor said. “Do you want some water?”</p><p>Loki shook his head sharply, but he turned to Sleipnir and asked, “Do you want some water, baby?”</p><p>“No, thank you, daddy,” Sleipnir said, focused on the blocks.</p><p>“He’s a good kid,” Thor said in an undertone. “Polite.”</p><p>Loki bristled despite the undercurrent of fear still running through him. “I know how to raise my son,” he said. The anger melted away as soon as it came, replaced by anxiety again. He opened his mouth to apologize but Thor beat him to it.</p><p>“Sorry,” he said, smiling ruefully. “Foot in my mouth, you know how it is.”</p><p>“Why are you doing this?” Loki asked, finally. “Did you…did you ask for me specifically?” He closed his eyes, trying to fight off the sudden urge to cry. Some alphas took pleasure in taking care of omegas. Some took pleasure in hurting them. Thor seemed like the former, but that didn’t change that he still probably wanted Loki for something.</p><p>“Loki,” Thor said, sounding mournful.</p><p>“I know I’m fucked up,” Loki said, the words leaving his mouth in a venomous hiss, leaning in close so Sleipnir wouldn’t hear. “But I’ve still got a shred of dignity left. If you just want to take me in to feel good about yourself—”</p><p>Loki clamped his mouth down on the rest of his tirade, but the damage was done. If Thor was anything like most of the alpha population, that would have been enough for him to growl or intimidate Loki into submission.</p><p>Thor did neither of those things. He was looking intently at his hands.</p><p>“It’s not easy work,” Thor said, finally. “And it’s not just alphas who do it. Betas too. Other omegas. If I were that kind of person they would never had let me in the same room as you. I’ve seen people broken by this kind of thing.”</p><p>Loki’s heart fell into the bottom of his stomach. He was so stupid. He was wretched. He was every nasty word Svadilfari had ever thrown at him.</p><p>“Thor,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut so tight that tears started to leak out.</p><p>“But nothing I’ve seen compares to the hell that you guys have gone through,” Thor said. “I want to help, that much is true. But I thought…I thought, if this was the only chance I could get to see you…I just wanted to see my little brother again.”</p><p>Loki couldn’t help it—he started sobbing, and Sleipnir, alarmed, rushed over to him.</p><p>“Daddy!” he said, patting Loki’s hands, his elbows, anything he could reach.</p><p>Then he whirled around to face Thor.</p><p>“Did you hurt him?” he demanded, and Loki’s heart ached. His brave little boy.</p><p>“It’s okay, baby,” Loki said, tugging Sleipnir close. “Uncle Thor hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m just, I’m overwhelmed.”</p><p>Thor picked up a box of tissues from the side table and passed them on to Loki, who dabbed at his face and eyes.</p><p>“I’ll leave you to make the decision,” Thor said, soft.</p><p>Loki nodded jerkily.</p><p>“If there’s anything you need before I go…” Thor trailed off. He looked forlorn. This huge hulking alpha, looking at Loki with such sorrow.</p><p>“Maybe one thing,” Loki whispered, pulling himself together.</p><p>“Anything,” Thor said, immediately.</p><p>Loki sniffled, laughing a little.</p><p>“Can I get a hug?”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sleipnir opened the door and hopped out of the car as Loki handed money over to the driver, but he stayed nearby instead of going any further.</p><p>“Are we gonna live here, daddy?” he asked, in a hushed voice.</p><p>“For a little while,” Loki replied, taking his hand.</p><p>“This is where Uncle Thor lives?” Sleipnir asked, eyes wide.</p><p>“Mhm,” Loki said, trying not to let his nerves get the better of him as they stepped up to the front door. “Be good, now, okay?”</p><p>Sleipnir nodded, craning his neck to take in the large apple tree Thor had out in the garden.</p><p>Loki took a deep breath, then lifted his hand to the door and knocked.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Research <em> has </em> shown that alpha siblings have been most effective in rehabilitating their omega siblings.”</p><p>Loki nodded. It made sense. The bond of being litter-mates was different from being <em> mates </em>, but it was powerful and strong.</p><p>“I understand your concerns,” Natasha said, looking over Loki’s file for the nth time. “And of course it is paramount that you choose an alpha you are comfortable with. Thor really is one of our best, though. We couldn’t recommend anyone better.”</p><p>“I know,” Loki said, inhaling and exhaling shakily.</p><p>“When is your next heat due?” Natasha asked, changing the subject.</p><p>“Three weeks,” Loki murmured. He’d have to check the app on his phone to get an exact date.</p><p>“It’s best you get settled in before then,” Natasha said, and Loki nodded again, though the idea made him want to vomit.</p><p>“I know it’s a lot of pressure and anxiety, but if we could get your choice of alpha by the end of the week…”</p><p>“No need,” Loki said, choking the words out.</p><p>Natasha waited patiently.</p><p>“It’s…Thor is fine. He’ll be…he’ll be good.”</p><p>“How does Sleipnir feel about him?”</p><p>Loki winced. “He’s still…apprehensive. He thinks Thor made me cry.”</p><p>“How did he react to the other alphas you met?”</p><p>Loki chewed on his bottom lip as he thought. He’d met three more alphas after Thor. Two of them didn’t stand out, and Sleipnir had been indifferent, but the last one…</p><p>“He liked Sam,” Loki said.</p><p>“Did you like Sam too?”</p><p>“He was…nice,” Loki said. More than nice, Loki thought. He had been polite, funny at just the right moments, and had taken Loki and his concerns seriously. Plus, he’d gotten Sleipnir to smile with a reference to some cartoon Loki didn’t recognize.</p><p>“But?” Natasha prodded.</p><p>“But he’s not Thor,” Loki sighed.</p><p>“Do you want to elaborate on that?” Natasha asked.</p><p>Loki sank into his seat. He didn’t want to, not really, but he knew it would be good for him. He wanted to try and make this work. For Sleipnir, if not for himself.</p><p>“Thor just…I’ve always…felt safe around him. Our father was always distant,” Loki said, fighting down a wince. “Not abusive. He wasn’t around enough to be abusive. Thor took care of me. He’s always taken care of me. And when he hugged me that first time we met again…God.”</p><p>He rubbed a hand across his face and kept his palm plastered there, feeling his ears turn red. When Thor had hugged him again, for the first time in years, Loki had been terrified, anxious, so nervous he’d thought he was going to throw up. And then Thor’s arms had gone around him, and Loki had pressed his face against Thor’s chest, and every nerve in his body screaming for him to run away fell utterly, blessedly silent.</p><p>No one except Sleipnir had touched him in kindness, for so, so long.</p><p>He had felt like a child again, safe in Thor’s embrace. Like his big brother had come to protect him from the bullies in the playground, the alphas who leered at Loki on the sidewalk, the disdain with which his father had always considered him. For the first time in a very, very long time, Loki thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be okay. </p><p>“I see,” Natasha said, after a moment.</p><p>“Do you?” Loki said.</p><p>“You’re perfectly permitted to enter into a romantic relationship with him,” Natasha said, and Loki made a strangled noise.</p><p>“Would you <em> recommend </em> it?” he asked, acerbic.</p><p>“Genuine affection helps tremendously in recovery,” Natasha said.</p><p>“I’m not going to let him fuck me,” Loki muttered, holding back a shiver.</p><p>“I think,” Natasha said slowly, “that he could bring some much-needed stability into your life. As a romantic partner or merely as a surrogate alpha. It’s up to you, of course.”</p><p>“You should be telling me it’s a horrible idea,” Loki said.</p><p>“He’s a good man,” Natasha said, making Loki groan.</p><p>“If it’s heartbreak you’re worried about…”</p><p>Loki snorted. “Nothing short of another Svad is going to break my heart,” he said, with a lightness he didn’t feel.</p><p>“Let Thor take care of you. Let him help you get back on your feet.”</p><p>“How many other omegas has Thor had? And how many of them did he help to get back on their feet?”</p><p>Natasha shot him a look. “That’s privileged information. You’ll have to ask him yourself.  I can tell you this, though. He’s never entered into a romantic relationship with any of the omegas in his charge. He knows how to keep boundaries intact.”</p><p>“So I <em> am </em> setting myself up for heartbreak.”</p><p>“Loki…do you want to enter into a romantic relationship? Is that truly what you want from Thor?”</p><p>Loki flinched. “No,” he whispered. What did he want? A warm bed for him and Sleipnir to sleep in. Food he didn’t have to beg for. Someone who wouldn’t withhold affection, who knew him well enough that love and reassurance would come easily.</p><p>“I know a lot of mated siblings,” Natasha said.</p><p>“Me too,” Loki said, rubbing at his arm through his shirt.</p><p>“But I don’t think that’s what you need. Not yet.”</p><p>“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, I guess,” Loki said.</p><p>“One step at a time,” Natasha said, nodding.</p><p>Loki took a deep breath and let it out shakily.</p><p>“Here,” Natasha said gently, sliding a piece of paper over to him. On it were Thor’s name and a phone number.</p><p>Loki reached for it before he could stop himself.</p><p>—</p><p>Sleipnir was old enough by now to sit on his own in a car, but Loki still let him sit on his lap as they rode the taxi to Thor’s house.</p><p>All of their things fit into two backpacks with a lot of room left over, so there had been no need for Thor to pick them up himself to help. Loki hadn’t wanted to inconvenience him, though he knew Thor wouldn’t see it that way.</p><p>And if he was honest, he also wanted just a bit more time to collect himself before meeting Thor for the second time.</p><p>The house came into view earlier than he’d expected, and he heard Sleipnir gasp as the taxi came to a stop. Loki barely kept in a gasp himself. It was a sprawling bungalow, painted in white and pastel green, with large windows, a red brick path, and a garden in full bloom.</p><p>Thor had done well for himself. Loki told himself that this would be good for Sleipnir, even though his whole body went weak with shame at the sight of the clearly-expensive house. It was a far cry from the run-down apartment he had lived in with Svad.</p><p>Sleipnir opened the door and hopped out of the car as Loki handed money over to the driver, but he stayed nearby instead of going any further.</p><p>“Are we gonna live here, daddy?” he asked, in a hushed voice.</p><p>“For a little while,” Loki replied, taking his hand.</p><p>“This is where Uncle Thor lives?” Sleipnir asked, eyes wide.</p><p>“Mhm,” Loki said, trying not to let his nerves get the better of him as they stepped up to the front door. “Be good, now, okay?”</p><p>Sleipnir nodded, craning his neck to take in the large apple tree Thor had out in the garden.</p><p>Loki took a deep breath, then lifted his hand to the door and knocked.</p><p>It took long enough that Loki was contemplating bolting, calling Natasha to ask for another alpha, any other alpha, he couldn’t possibly—</p><p>And then Thor opened the door.</p><p>He was dressed in a soft-looking sweater and grey sweatpants, and his hair looked fluffy, like he’d been sleeping and had just woken up. His eyepatch was also different—this one was blue with yellow stars on it, instead of the black one he’d been wearing during their first meeting.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, smiling wide. He extended a hand towards Sleipnir, who gave a little “oh!” and shook it.</p><p>“You have a really nice house,” Sleipnir said, and Thor grinned.</p><p>“Yeah? I hope you’ll like the room I’ve got set up for you…” Thor opened the door wide and gestured for them to come in, stepping back so he and Loki wouldn’t touch.</p><p>Sleipnir ran in, clearly excited, and Loki gave Thor an apologetic look.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” Thor said. “I’ve been child-proofing all week.”</p><p>“DADDY HE HAS A PLAYSTATION,” Sleipnir called from deeper inside the house.</p><p>“Don’t touch anything, baby,” Loki said, glancing nervously at Thor. The house opened up into a large living room with high ceilings. A huge couch, deep red, sat in front of a large television. There were bookshelves along the warm wooden walls. Past the living room was a set of glass doors that showed the backyard.</p><p>“THERE’S A POOL,” Sleipnir said.</p><p>“Baby,” Loki said, wincing, walking over to where Sleipnir had pressed himself up against the glass, staring excitedly at the pool outside. “Keep your voice down.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Thor said. “This is your home now. I want you guys to feel comfortable.”</p><p>Loki barely heard him. He was struggling to hear anything, focusing on stroking Sleipnir’s hair and trying to breathe.</p><p>“You have to be good, baby,” he said, trying not to shake.</p><p>“Sorry, daddy,” Sleipnir mumbled, and that only made Loki feel worse. He knew Thor probably didn’t mind. He knew that. But what if he did? What if Sleipnir was too much? What if Thor changed his mind? What if he didn’t like Sleipnir enough to let them stay, what if <em> Loki </em> wasn’t good enough—</p><p>“Why don’t we go look at your room, kiddo?” Thor asked, breaking through Loki’s thoughts.</p><p>“I get my own room?” Sleipnir gasped, turning to Thor with wide eyes.</p><p>“You’re a big boy,” Thor said, grinning. “Big boys get their own rooms.”</p><p>“Can I go see, daddy?” Sleipnir asked, turning his wide eyes to Loki.</p><p>“Of course, baby,” Loki said, trying not to wince as Sleipnir shrugged off his hands. </p><p>Thor extended a hand towards Sleipnir again, and the boy studied it for barely a moment before taking it and letting Thor lead him down the hallway.</p><p>Loki leaned against the glass door for a moment, feeling the cool material under his skin, trying to pull himself together. He heard the sound of laughter—Sleipnir’s, and then Thor’s—and made his way to the couch, where he sat and stared at his hands.</p><p>He didn’t know how long he waited there, doing his breathing exercises, but it wasn’t until Thor gingerly took a seat next to him that he looked up.</p><p>“I set him up in the kitchen with a sandwich,” Thor said. “I wanted to give us time to talk.”</p><p>“What kind of sandwich?” Loki asked.</p><p>“Ham and cheese,” Thor said. “The file said he was allergic to peanut butter.”</p><p>Loki nodded.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Thor said, sounding sheepish.</p><p>Loki’s head swiveled towards him.</p><p>“What are you apologizing for?” he asked, confused.</p><p>“I know it’s a bit too much.”</p><p>“It’s your <em> home </em>, Thor. You have nothing to apologize for.”</p><p>“Your home now, too, if you want,” Thor said.</p><p>Loki shrugged, his hands coming together in a nervous gesture.</p><p>“I don’t want to sound ungrateful,” Loki said. “I swear, I’m not. This is…this is amazing, Thor. It’s going to be so good for him.”</p><p>“And for you?” Thor prodded gently.</p><p>“I…honestly haven’t thought about what’s good for me in a long time,” Loki said. He shut his eyes, hating that they started to burn with tears. “I would have—I would have just stayed there. In his shitty flat, letting him—letting him hurt me—I would have just <em> let him </em>. But my son deserved better. Deserves better. I just can’t believe I let it go on for so long.”</p><p>“What’s important is that you’re out of there now. He’s lucky to have you,” Thor said.</p><p>Loki shook his head. “I’m the lucky one.” He took a deep breath. “And thank you. For letting us live with you. For taking care of—everything. I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”</p><p>“You could try being kinder to yourself,” Thor said, so gently. “That would be enough for me.”</p><p>Loki’s breath rattled in his throat, and he let out a wet laugh.</p><p>“God. I can try,” he said.</p><p>Thor reached between them and lay his hand, palm up, in the space between their legs.</p><p>After a moment, Loki put his hand on Thor’s.</p><p>“Not the most ideal reunion,” Loki said, dry.</p><p>“I didn’t expect the kid, to be honest,” Thor said, making Loki laugh again.</p><p>“Best thing that ever happened to me,” Loki said, looking towards the direction of the kitchen.</p><p>“Yeah,” Thor said, though his eyes were on Loki. “Me too.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Now, he was only too glad that Sleipnir didn’t feel any embarrassment about sleeping in the same bed with him. It had made settling in with Thor easier, knowing that his child was safe. Knowing that there was a pantry and a fridge full of food in the kitchen, that Thor was just down the hall if they needed him.</p><p>“Daddy?” Sleipnir said, around a big yawn.</p><p>“Hm, baby?”</p><p>“How long are we gonna stay with Uncle Thor?”</p><p>Loki considered his answer as he stroked his son’s hair.</p><p>“A few months, at least,” he said. Though inside he thought: for as long as Thor will have us.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve been meaning to ask…” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor looked up from where he was buttering up the top half of a loaf of sourdough and gave Loki a small smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki blushed and looked down at the avocado he was smashing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">From the living room, he could hear the sound of the game Sleipnir was playing, something that involved a lot of cooking. And horses. Loki had liked the horses, and had deemed it an acceptable game for his son to play. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had been three days since they’d moved in with Thor, and every single moment since then had felt like a dream. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ask away,” Thor said. He reached for the slices of ham and began to bunch them up on the bread. God, Loki hadn’t had good ham in years. He’d mentioned it off-hand to Thor, and Thor had driven them over for a late-night deli run and they’d returned with a bag full of deli meat and good cheese. He hadn’t even batted an eye at the price, just handed his card over while Loki tried not to cry at seeing so much food.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And now they were making a “midnight snack” at 10 PM. Sleipnir was going to have his first taste of prosciutto. It was slightly ridiculous how excited Loki felt about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The eyepatch,” Loki said, his mouth pulling into a frown despite himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh,” Thor said. “This little thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thor,” Loki said, rolling his eyes, and Thor laughed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I promise it’s not a very impressive story,” Thor said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor sighed. “I got into a freak motorcycle accident. Drunk teen driver hit me on the road, I’m not gonna get into the gory details. Broke my leg and lost my eye. Leg’s fine now, but they couldn’t salvage the eyeball.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry,” Loki said, passing Thor the avocado. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor shrugged. “I’m used to it. Depth perception’s off, and kids always think I’m a pirate but I’m just glad it wasn’t worse.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It makes you look very…rugged,” Loki said. “That must attract a lot of other omegas.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor finished up with the fillings and began to squeeze the sandwich down. “I think I put too much,” he said, distractedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sleipnir’s gonna make a mess,” Loki said, though his mouth was already watering.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor took a knife and sliced the long hunk of bread into three parts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll get some juice,” Loki said, turning to the fridge.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks,” Thor said, plating the sandwiches. The fact that he could hold two plates in one hand was…ridiculous. Loki refused to think of any other way to describe it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At the threshold of the kitchen, Thor paused and said, “By the way…there haven’t been any other omegas,” before walking into the living room.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki flushed all over, his hands clenching around a bottle of apple juice.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good to know,” he muttered to himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He went out into the living room, where Sleipnir was trying to stuff too much sandwich into his mouth. Predictably, this made a mess—a whole wad of meat and avocado plopped onto the couch.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki cursed under his breath, his brain already moving on instinct. He had to get Sleipnir away, had to clean the couch, had to apologize to Thor, had to do whatever he needed to to do to appease the alpha—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry!” Sleipnir blurted, looking horrified, his eyes starting to fill with tears. “I’m so sorry!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Baby,” Loki started, but Thor was kneeling down and stroking the boy’s shoulders already. If he thought the reaction was a bit extreme, he didn’t give any indication. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, it’s fine,” he murmured, brushing away Sleipnir’s tears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry, sir,” Sleipnir sniffled, rubbing at his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki’s heart clenched painfully. <em>Sir</em> was what Sleipnir always called Svad.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll clean it up together,” Thor said firmly. “It’s going to be fine, okay?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki ducked into the kitchen to pick up a roll of paper towels, then returned to the living room to hand it soundlessly to Thor, his brain still a yawning pit of fear-induced static.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There we go,” Thor said, soothing, handing a bunch of towels to Sleipnir so he could help, though his ineffectual dabbing was probably only making things worse. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“See?” Thor said, after the worst of the mess had been wiped away. “Just a little mess, and we fixed it right up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sleipnir sniffled and nodded. “Daddy,” he whimpered.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m here, baby. I’m really proud of you for cleaning up after yourself,” Loki whispered, tucking his baby into his arms.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sleipnir cuddled close, and Loki met Thor’s gaze over his son’s head, trying to convey as much gratitude through it as he could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor winked at him, and Loki’s fear left him in a rush that made him feel tired, but relieved.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You still wanna eat, baby?” Loki asked.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, please, daddy,” Sleipnir mumbled. He wriggled out of Loki’s arms and flung himself against Thor’s legs. “Thank you, Uncle Thor.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No problem, kid,” Thor said, scooping Sleipnir up into his arms.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki sighed, rubbing at his chest. They ate, Sleipnir sitting between them on the couch, chewing carefully at his sandwich with a plate underneath to catch any spills. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor put on an episode of a cartoon, and Loki focused on savouring his food, something he hadn’t been able to do in a while.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sleipnir was full and sleepy after eating, so Loki took carried him into his room to tuck him in. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He was closing the door when Thor, who had stayed behind to clean up the plates and to put away the gaming console, stepped into the hallway. Thor leaned against the wall across from him, and Loki realized he was doing it to make sure he wasn’t invading Loki’s space. </span>
</p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s1">“Is he okay?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s fine,” Loki said. “Thank you. You handled that really well.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor nodded, though he seemed distracted by something.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s wrong?” Loki said, and hated how scared he sounded.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your ex,” Thor said, and Loki was taken aback by the venom in his voice. “He ever hit the kid?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Only once,” Loki said darkly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Once too much,” Thor said, brimming with anger. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki was surprised to realize that it didn’t scare him. It was comforting, instead, to have Thor’s anger directed on behalf of his son.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s never going to touch either of you ever again,” Thor said, slow and deliberate, like he was holding himself back from saying anything worse.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki put a hand on Thor’s shoulder, feeling the stiff, tense muscles soften at his touch. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” he said, and believed it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor worked in construction. Or—well, he owned a local construction company, and took care of management and logistics, which meant he could work from his home office most of the time, but had to go on-site every so often. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He had tried to be home the whole week, but had to go in for a couple hours on Friday, five days since Loki and Sleipnir had moved in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Being alone with his son in Thor’s huge house put Loki on edge. He knew that Svad likely would never find them, and that even if he did there was no way he could get into Thor’s house, which was fitted with a security system so modern and complex that Loki’s head spun to think on how much it would have cost. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He hadn’t ventured outside of his room—his own room, just for him, and the thought of it still made Loki want to cry—since they’d had breakfast that morning, Thor cooking up some bacon while Loki made pancakes and Sleipnir told them about the dream he’d had the night prior. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sleipnir was curled up next to him, slowly reading out a book to himself while Loki read the OPS handbook on his phone for the nth time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His baby hadn’t been able to sleep through the night in his own room and had taken to sleeping in Loki’s bed. Back at Svad’s, Sleipnir had slept on the couch, and Loki had slept with Svad. Loki had made sure Sleipnir never entered the room he shared with his then-alpha. It was one of the things that had kept him sane, separating his life as Sleipnir’s father and his life as Svadilfari’s omega. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Now, he was only too glad that Sleipnir didn’t feel any embarrassment about sleeping with him. It had made settling in with Thor easier, knowing that his child was safe. Knowing that there was a pantry and a fridge full of food in the kitchen, that Thor was just down the hall if they needed him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Daddy?” Sleipnir said, sounding sleepy.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm, baby?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long are we gonna stay with Uncle Thor?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki considered his answer as he stroked his son’s hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A few months, at least,” he said. Though inside he thought: for as long as Thor will have us. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long is that?” Sleipnir said, screwing up his face. “Are we gonna do Christmas here?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so,” Loki said. “That’s in three months. You can feel when it’s almost Christmas because it gets colder, baby.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are we gonna see <em>snow</em>, daddy?” Sleipnir said, eyes wide. “What about Uncle Thor’s pool? Is it gonna freeze over?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll snow here,” Loki said. “Not like back…not like before. We’ll have to get you some warmer clothes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wanna spend Christmas here,” Sleipnir declared. “I wanna get Uncle Thor something nice.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll think of something,” Loki said, though he wondered what he could possibly give Thor that he couldn’t get for himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I really like it here, daddy,” Sleipnir said softly, like it was a secret.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me too, baby,” Loki said, his eyes stinging. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t wanna leave,” Sleipnir said, snuggling into Loki’s arms.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki was saved from saying anything else by the sound of jingling keys. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Something in his chest lightened, and a weight he hadn’t realized was there suddenly lifted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uncle Thor’s home!” Sleipnir said, sitting up suddenly. He scrambled out of bed, then out the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki would have felt put out by his son’s reaction to another person if he didn’t have the urge to do the exact same thing. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Please don’t do that,” Loki said, through the terror that was starting to wrap around his throat.</p><p>Thor’s face fell.</p><p>“Do what?” Thor said.</p><p>“Pretend everything’s okay,” Loki said, though his heart was starting to pound so fast and hard it was a wonder his voice wasn’t shaking. “There’s something wrong. I know there’s something wrong.”</p><p>Thor rubbed his hand across his face, then ran it through his hair, shrugging.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, “sorry. I just…I’ve been trying to figure out how to bring it up.”</p><p>Loki’s heart clenched painfully.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Saturday was shopping day. Thor had promised to take them to buy whatever they needed, so that morning they rose early, had a quick breakfast of cereal and fruit, and piled into Thor’s car. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sleipnir hummed to himself from the backseat, where he’d been strapped into a booster, enjoying the ride. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor scrolled through Spotify until he found a playlist of pop songs—the kind that even Loki was familiar with, so they must have been at least a decade old. There hadn’t been a lot of music, with Svad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki rolled his eyes as Thor began to sing along, grinning wide, but his humor was infectious and Loki found himself starting to hum along. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh my god,” Thor gasped, when a familiar tune started up. “Do you still remember this?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is one of the <em>best</em> ones,” Loki insisted, though he didn’t belt badly along to the music like Thor did.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatever you say, Lo,” Thor said.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Beside him, Loki started, then shot him a look of unabashed surprise. He hadn’t heard that nickname in years.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Thor grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki only smiled, his cheeks flushing pink.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor reached across the console to put a squeeze Loki’s hand, a quick but comforting touch. Loki bit his lip to keep from asking Thor to put his hand back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ride was over too quickly, and the last song was still stuck in Loki’s head as they entered the cool body of the mall, Sleipnir walking between them with his hands in theirs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The boy’s head spun around, trying to take in everything, the lights and the stores and the music—Christmas songs, even though it was only October. The decorations strung up on every pillar and banister. The window displays of stuffed toys, books, games. It was clearly an upscale mall, one that Loki hadn’t visited before.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Daddy,” Sleipnir gasped, pointing at the towering Christmas tree that had been put up in the center of the mall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We can go check it out later, baby,” Loki said, scrolling through his phone for the list of things they needed. “Clothes first.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What little clothes Loki had managed to scrounge up for his son were at least two sizes too small by now. Svad had stopped letting them out of the apartment for the last year of their stay there—their imprisonment, Loki thought darkly—so there had been no chance to buy anything new. And clothes hadn’t been a priority—Loki had always put food first. Anything to survive. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s go to that one,” Thor said, leading them along. Loki followed, eyes widening as he saw where Thor was going.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s way too expensive,” he said, shaking his head. “We can’t, Thor, I’m sure there are other stores.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Think of it as an early Christmas present. And gifts for all the Christmases I’ve missed. I owe you guys at least four years’ worth of gifts, Loki.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I get new shoes, daddy?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki sighed, shooting Thor a helpless look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor met it with an easy grin, letting Sleipnir drag him into the kid’s section.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can handle this,” Thor said, as they began to pick out clothes. He nudged Loki towards the adult’s section. “Go look for stuff for yourself.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” Loki said, though he was already starting to waver. God, he hadn’t bought himself new clothes in years. Everything he’d worn had been bought by Svad. And a lot of the time, Svad had made him wear what <em>he </em>liked, no matter how much Loki hated it. He hadn’t even brought any of his clothes when he’d run—he’d been living out of the OPS bin since then. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor had offered to have things ready for them, but Loki had declined. He was done with anyone else picking out what he had to wear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go,” Thor said firmly. “And get whatever you want. No holding back, okay?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki swallowed, nodding. He ruffled Sleipnir’s hair before making his way to a rack of jeans and sweaters. Cozy clothes in single colors, practical and comfortable. He tried not to blanch at the price tags, carefully selecting things he thought he’d look good in. Things that covered up most of his body, too. Hoodies, sweatshirts, thick cotton tees. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked up, and froze.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Across the aisle was a rack of dresses. Light, flowing things. Floral, pastel, bright. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Flimsy. Easy to tear away. Impossible to hide behind.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shut his eyes tight, his knees going weak as he gasped for breath. He hated this. <em>Hated</em> it. Hated that he could lose control of himself so easily, that he couldn’t even look at <em>clothes</em> without freaking out, that he couldn’t be fucking normal.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey,” Thor said, and hearing his voice felt like breaching the surface of the water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki took a breath, and then another. The dresses swayed in his vision, and he turned away, stepping blindly into Thor’s space. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is everything okay?” Thor asked in a gentle rumble. He lifted his hand, probably to touch, and Loki jerked away. He took a step back, torn between asking for Thor to touch him and wanting to scream at him to go away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Daddy?” Sleipnir asked, touching his hand, and Loki snapped himself out of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” he choked out, then cleared his throat. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I just. I got—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Overwhelmed,” Sleipnir said, sounding far too serious for his age.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki nodded, too fast. “Yeah, baby. Daddy just got overwhelmed.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You wanna keep shopping?” Thor asked, his brow furrowed with worry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think I’ve got what I need,” Loki said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What about shoes?” Thor asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki wiggled his toes inside his worn-out sneakers. Tried not to think about those dresses, about the way lace felt on his skin, the way cotton felt when it was drenched in sweat, and other, worse things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I have a pair of boots?” he asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor beamed. “Absolutely.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor was hovering. Had been hovering since they got back from the mall, though Loki had tried his best to ignore it all day.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was late now, though, and Sleipnir had been tucked into Loki’s bed half an hour ago. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki was attempting to read one of the books he’d pulled out of Thor’s bookshelves—something historical, which had been a pleasant surprise, but Thor was—well.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” Thor asked. “I can make tea. Do you still drink tea?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure, Thor,” Loki said, closing the book to look at his brother. “And I do still drink tea. I think. I haven’t in a while.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A stricken look passed through Thor’s face, quickly replaced by a false smile that raised Loki’s hackles. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can make you some? I’ve got Earl Grey, Rooibos, Ceylon…”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please don’t do that,” Loki said, through the terror that was starting to wrap around his throat.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor’s face fell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do what?” Thor said.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Pretend everything’s okay,” Loki said, though his heart was starting to pound so fast and hard it was a wonder his voice wasn’t shaking. “There’s something wrong. I know there’s something wrong.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor rubbed his hand across his face, then ran it through his hair, shrugging. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” he said, “sorry. I just…I’ve been trying to figure out how to bring it up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki’s heart clenched painfully. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It won’t happen again,” he choked out. Before Thor could reply, he forced more words out. “I promise, I know I—freaked out really bad, and I know it’s, it’s inconvenient—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you talking about?” Thor asked, his face twisted in confusion.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki flinched back, blood rushing through his ears.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The—my—episode at the mall. Please don’t kick us out,” he said, too fast, stumbling over the words as they poured out of him, “I’ll—I’ll do whatever it takes, please, Sleipnir, he, he’s so happy—please, Thor—” Tears began to fall down his cheeks, and he lifted shaking hands to wipe at them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The look on Thor’s face was morphing quickly from confusion into shock, and he shook his head vehemently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not kicking you out. God, Loki, of course I’m not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then what did I do wrong?” Loki choked out.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Thor said, gentle but firm. He gestured to the couch. “Can I sit?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s <em>your</em> couch,” Loki sniffled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor looked like he was about to say something, but he only sat instead.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m supposed to be good at this,” Thor said sheepishly, “but I only ever seem to make you feel bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t,” Loki said. “I’m just a fucking mess.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“First of all,” Thor said, “it’s not an <em>inconvenience</em> when something upsets you. I’m not ever going to be angry at you for that, okay?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay,” Loki said, wiping at his cheeks, not quite sure if he believed that. “Now please just tell me what’s wrong.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” Thor said. “I’m just going to say it. And you can decide how you feel about it, okay? No pressure.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay,” he said.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Thor took a deep breath and said, “I just wanted to let you know it’s okay if you need me to touch you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Loki blinked. He opened his mouth to speak, and all that was left was a weak, “What?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Do you remember when we were…when we were kids? And sometimes you needed touch comfort?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Loki bit his lower lip and nodded. Of course he remembered. It had been one of his favorite things, cuddling up to Thor, holding his hand, sleeping in his bed. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“But that’s…we were <em>kids</em>. I grew out of it.” In a whisper, he amended, shamefully, “…I’m supposed to have grown out of it.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not wrong to need it again,” Thor said, reassuring. “I’ve seen it in some of the omegas I’ve helped.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Omegas like me,” Loki said, casting his eyes down. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Lots of omegas like to be touched for comfort,” Thor continued resolutely. “But the things they’ve gone through makes it hard for them to ask. Makes it hard to even think of asking.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You think I’m—?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Loki,” Thor said softly. “I know it. I saw how you reacted at the mall. Like you were torn between being as close to me as possible or running far away. And when Sleipnir touched you, you came back to yourself.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“How did you even notice all of that?” Loki said.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve worked with a lot of omegas,” Thor said. “You get touch comfort from Sleipnir but he’s a little kid. Patient, but he won’t sit still long enough. And he doesn’t have pheromones, not yet. But I can sit still. And I have pheromones that can help you feel better.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Loki inhaled shakily. “I want you to touch me,” he whispered, stomach twisting as he said it. “I want it so badly. But every time anyone except Sleipnir touches me I—I feel so <em>dirty</em>.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry,” Thor said, and he sounded like he meant it.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know what to do,” Loki said miserably. He thought of Thor’s hand on his in the car. Thought of wanting to step into his space and bury his face in Thor’s chest when he’d had his panic attack at the mall.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I can help,” Thor said.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You want to?” Loki asked, hesitant.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It’s what I signed up for,” Thor said. “I’m here to provide what you need as an omega. Whatever you need.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1"><em>Whatever</em> you need, Loki thought, and flushed. He’d known about all this in theory, of course. It had been in his OPS orientation, and in the handbook too. He’d just thought he could deal with it without having to force himself on Thor. It didn’t seem like such a big deal compared to everything else Thor was doing.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe just touching,” Loki mumbled.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Of course,” Thor said.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Is it really that simple?” Loki asked.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” Thor said. “Do you want to start?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Loki bit his lip. “Can you…can you just…hold my hand?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Like this?” Thor asked, placing his hand on top of Loki’s.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">It was warm, a bit rough, big enough to cover the back of Loki’s hand completely. It was such a small touch, but it made a tendril of tension loosen around his chest.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“More?” Thor asked.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Loki nodded, inching closer, closer until he could feel Thor’s warmth. God. It felt good to just be <em>close</em> to someone. To feel safe, protected, with no expectations.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Want to be on my lap?” Thor asked.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Loki froze, the idea filling him with a mix of terror and longing so acute that he couldn’t move.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe next time,” Thor said, when Loki didn’t respond. “Put your head on my shoulder?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Loki nodded, shaking, and did as Thor asked.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Good?” Thor murmured, voice rough.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Loki tucked his nose against Thor’s shoulder and breathed in, smelling laundry detergent and the muted sweet scent of Thor’s pheromones.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t smell like other alphas,” Loki said, wondering. He sounded slow to his own ears, almost sluggish.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I use a neutralizing soap and shampoo,” Thor murmured. “I don’t want to overwhelm you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It’s nice,” Loki sighed, feeling as if a weight had been removed from his shoulders, leaving him shaky with relief. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He felt Thor’s hand hover above his head before it settled on his hair.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Any time,” Thor said. “Really. Whenever you need it.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You’re never getting rid of me,” Loki said, drowsy.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I never want to,” Thor replied.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i normally wouldn't do stuff like this because i don't think ao3 is the right platform for it, but my government is up to something awful and i'd appreciate it if anyone who enjoys my work could take some time to check out this resource: https://junkterrorbill.carrd.co</p><p>thank you and stay safe!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The weeks passed by in a slow, magical haze. Every morning, Thor and Loki cooked breakfast together, with Sleipnir sitting at the table, swinging his legs and drinking juice.</p><p>They kept the conversation light. Just discussions about the TV shows they were watching, the books Loki was reading—he’d started reading again after a long dry spell, and was voracious with it—and every night, Loki and Thor sat on the sofa, and Thor let Loki tuck himself against his brother’s side and breathe him in, lean against his solid, immovable body. A few times, Loki had been so relaxed that he’d fallen asleep right there on the couch, and Thor had had to help him into bed. Neither of them discussed that.</p><p>Loki was keeping track, though, and he knew his heat was coming in a week. His first heat, ever, without an alpha.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>huuuge thanks to l for the beta for this chapter and all the previous ones! ⚡️⚡️⚡️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The weeks passed by in a slow, magical haze. Every morning, Thor and Loki cooked breakfast together, with Sleipnir sitting at the table, swinging his legs and drinking juice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They kept the conversation light. Just discussions about the TV shows they were watching, the books Loki was reading—he’d started reading again after a long dry spell, and was voracious with it—and every night, Loki and Thor sat on the sofa, and Thor let Loki tuck himself against his brother’s side and breathe him in, lean against his solid, immovable body. A few times, Loki had been so relaxed that he’d fallen asleep right there on the couch, and Thor had had to help him into bed. Neither of them discussed <em>that</em>.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki was keeping track, though, and he knew his heat was coming in a week. His first heat, ever, without an alpha. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His gut churned at the thought of it, but he and Thor needed to have a discussion. As terrified as Loki was of having to <em>ask</em>, Thor needed to take care of Sleipnir while Loki’s heat ravaged him. And though Loki was not quite ready to give his son up—no matter for how short a time period—it was better than the alternative. Better than what had happened every time Loki had gotten his heats with Svadilfari: Sleipnir left alone in the apartment, a <em>child</em> fending for himself for two or three days while Loki was too busy getting fucked and used by his alpha. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Just the thought of it made him sick. Abandoning Sleipnir had been the worst part of getting his heats. Worse even than the humiliating, horrible things Svad had forced him to do and say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki checked the heat tracking app on his phone for what was probably the tenth time that day, and felt an aching, yawning pit in his chest, waiting to swallow him whole.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I…can we talk? It’s nothing bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki had never thought he’d have to start a conversation like that, but here he was, wringing his hands together, toes curling and uncurling against the carpet.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor looked up from his phone, like he’d just been waiting for Loki to bring something up. They’d both been on edge today, and Loki suspected Thor could guess why.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure,” Thor said, “of course.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki inhaled, then said in a rush, “My heat’s coming in a few days. Maybe on Friday.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor straightened up, putting his phone to the side as he nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay. Thank you for letting me know. Is there anything you need from me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki’s mouth went dry at the implication. Was there anything he needed from Thor? God. It had even been on the OPS form Loki had filled up—did he want his surrogate alpha to help him through his heats? He’d vehemently chosen <em>no</em> but—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Loki?” Thor asked again, and Loki realized he had gotten lost in his own thoughts.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry,” Loki said, shaking his head. “No, I don’t. I don’t really need—just. If you could—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His words caught in his throat, sticky and painful, and he almost choked.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Take your time,” Thor said, soothing, and Loki nodded, and took a deep breath.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you could take—take care of Sleipnir. While I’m—while it’s happening. He won’t be a burden, he’s—he’s used to—when I have my heat and—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">God, Loki wanted to crawl into a hole and never come back out. But he’d done worse things. Been through worse things. And Thor was still looking at him intently, listening, so Loki forced himself to carry on. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And—I mean, I might need—food? And, and some water. For the—if that’s okay.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor blinked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki swallowed. The silence stretched, and he shook his head again, squeezing his eyes shut. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry,” he choked out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why,” Thor said, strained.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki’s brow furrowed. “It’s—the heat might last more than a night. M-maybe. I don’t know, I’ve never—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Thor said, like it required effort to keep his voice level. “Why would you apologize for needing that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki swallowed again, his face and eyes suddenly feeling hot. His hands were clasped so tight together that they felt like the only points of his body that were still attached to him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry,” Thor said, rubbing his face with his hand. “Sorry, fuck, dumb question. Of course I’ll take care of Sleipnir, Loki. And of course I’ll make you food and make sure you have water. I wouldn’t—fuck. Yes. Whatever you need.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you,” Loki whispered.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor nodded, but the silence between them was fraught, still, and Loki didn’t know what to do. So instead, he said the worst thing he possibly could.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He wasn’t always so terrible,” Loki said.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor’s head snapped up. He looked <em>incandescently</em> angry.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Loki</em>,” he grit out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There was a—there was a reason I ran away with him,” Loki said, unable to stop himself, could feel himself spiralling down a hole, dark and seemingly-endless. But he’d always been able to hit rock bottom. And it always hurt.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Better to let it hurt <em>now</em>, Loki thought, before they got any further into—into whatever this was. Better to let Thor be mad at him and get it over with, while he still had time to take himself and Sleipnir away before they stayed too long again. Before it would be impossible to leave again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor’s hands were clenched into fists on his lap, and Loki could see that he was fuming, enraged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He braced himself.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor inhaled, a rough, gusty sound. Then he exhaled, inhaled again. Exhaled. His shoulders dropped. His hands unclenched. He looked up at Loki.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry,” he said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki’s body was still wound up tight, bracing for—for something else. Not that. Not an apology, or Thor’s mournful gaze.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I should have tried harder,” Thor said. “To—to find you. God, Loki, I <em>wanted</em> to believe he wasn’t terrible. You have no idea how hard I tried to convince myself—but I shouldn’t have. I should have done something. Anything.” Thor’s voice <em>cracked</em>, and he buried his face in his hands, such that the next words came out muffled: “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Whatever Loki had expected from Thor, it wasn’t this. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He swallowed again, then said, “I think both need to stop apologizing for things that aren’t our fault.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor laughed, wet, and wiped at his eyes. “I’ll try it if you do.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay,” Loki said, then let his shoulders sag. “You’re…Thor, you know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and Sleipnir, right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not saying much,” Thor said, looking pained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shut up,” Loki said, smiling weakly, “you know what I mean.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” Thor said, his grim expression fading into a responding smile. God, Loki loved that smile. “You guys are the best thing that’s ever happened to me too. And I mean it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki’s mouth trembled, and he took a moment to calm himself. Deep breaths. In and out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You wanna—?” Thor asked.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shouldn’t, Loki <em>knew</em> he shouldn’t. Not this close to his heat. Not when he was feeling this <em>raw</em>.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I shouldn’t,” he forced himself to say, chewing on his lower lip. “I mean, just, I’m so close to my heat, and…”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course,” Thor said, smiling gently. Loki thought he sounded disappointed, but why would he? He only ever cuddled Loki because he <em>had</em> to. Because it made <em>Loki</em> feel better.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you,” Loki whispered, feeling utterly drained. “For—everything. I’m gonna be thanking you for the rest of my life,” he said weakly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As long as you’re around for the rest of my life,” Thor said seriously.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki blushed, looking down at his feet. He didn’t know what to say to that, didn’t want to tell Thor about the thoughts in his head—the ones about running away again. About leaving everything behind so he wouldn’t get hurt, not again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“By the way,” Thor said, when Loki said nothing else, “I have something for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki blinked, looking up, and saw that Thor was holding out a card. Not just any card—a credit card, sleek and black. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What,” Loki said, dumbstruck.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s yours,” Thor said. “For anything you need. <em>Anything</em>, Loki. And don’t worry about the money. I promise it’s okay.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I—you <em>can’t</em>—”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can,” Thor said steadily. “Please, Loki? For me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki’s hand trembled—he couldn’t help it—as he reached out and took the card. Slipped it into his pocket without looking at it. Fearing that, if he did, he’d just start crying on the spot.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you,” Thor said, fervently.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re ridiculous,” Loki said, shaking his head, smiling despite himself. He wiped away the tears that had escaped despite his efforts, and said, slowly, “Actually—can we—? Just for…for a little bit.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor beamed, and patted the space on the sofa next to him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That night, Loki went online and looked for toys to help him through his heat. It had been too late for suppressants by the time he’d run from Svad, and Loki had always hated being on them. For the short time he’d been on them, anyway. Svad had found him when he was only 19.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He cringed at the memory. He had been stupid. So incredibly stupid, and he’d paid the price. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Things were better now. Loki had Thor now, and so did Sleipnir, and he was going to pass his heat <em>alone</em>.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So: heat toys. He picked and chose carefully, to make sure Thor would have no reason to think Loki was abusing his generosity. A credit card, just for him. His brother—and Loki felt so, <em>so</em> happy to be able to call Thor that—was <em>ridiculous</em>. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Three days later, his orders arrived in a nondescript box at the front door. Thor picked it up, checked the name on the package, and handed it to Loki without any remark aside from, “This is for you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then he’d taken Sleipnir aside for a game on the Playstation, giving Loki some privacy to check his package in the bedroom. Something loosened in his chest, seeing the toys. It felt silly—they were just <em>heat toys</em>, but to Loki they were something else. A chance to own his body again, as dramatic as that sounded.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For the first time in his life, Loki was tentatively (<em>so</em> tentatively) looking forward to his heat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His heat came a day early. Proximity to an unmated alpha could do that, the app on his phone always warned, but it took him by surprise anyway. Each of his heats had arrived like clockwork for the past decade. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He woke up too late on Thursday morning, Sleipnir already gone from bed. There was a warmth all over him, and at first he thought it was just the late morning sun, or the heavy blanket he’d taken to sleeping with. Then he’d realized he was wet between his legs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He reached blindly for his phone, then sent Thor a text: “Heat came early. Will stay inside. Please take care of Sleip. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He bit his lip nervously, but only a moment later, Thor texted back: “Okay, take care. Got the kid, don’t worry. See you in a couple days, haha.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki sighed to himself, relieved.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he threw himself back on the bed, and waited.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was always strange, feeling his heat come upon him. Like lying on a beach and letting waves wash over him, the tide getting higher and higher, until he was carried out to sea. It was frightening, how easy it was to lose himself to his body’s desires, but this time, Loki had the slightest hold on a measure of control.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When his heat took him, he took one of the toys—a knotting vibrator, medium sized, a modest blue color—and kneeled up on the bed. He didn’t want to be on his back for this, not for his first independent heat. Slowly, he sank down on the toy, letting his mind drift, letting his body do what it needed to do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A soft moan left his mouth, and his eyes flew open. <em>Oh</em>. It felt—<em>good</em>. He licked his lips and rocked down, taking more of the toy inside him, and, god, he could feel how <em>slick</em> he was, how easily he was taking it. Fumbling, he pressed the button on the base of the vibrator and—fuck—oh <em>fuck</em>—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His first orgasm as a free omega.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki held himself up with his hands on the bed, rocked down on the dildo, and let his heat take him under.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sometime after his third or fourth orgasm, when he was truly <em>gone</em>, his mind latched on to the idea of a strong, gentle alpha taking him from behind, hands on his waist, tight but careful not to hurt him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then, suddenly, bile rose in his throat and thoughts of Svad invaded his mind: his long, dark hair, falling like a curtain around Loki’s face, his rough hands wrapped around Loki’s throat, his voice, mocking, sneering, calling Loki an <em>omega</em> <em>whore, needy omega bitch—</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not,” Loki grit out through his teeth, shaking, bringing his hands up to his mouth to muffle a sob. “I’m <em>not</em>.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He pushed the memories of Svad to the back of his mind and searched for anything, anything else to latch on—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">An encompassing embrace, the solidity of a body that didn’t yield, but buoyed Loki’s weight. The first time Thor had hugged him. Thor, angry in a dark hallway because someone had hurt Sleipnir. Thor, letting Loki curl up against his side, stroking his hair, just because Loki had asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor was gentle. Thor took care of him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki moaned, guttural and helpless, remembering Thor’s muted, easy, soothing scent, and came embarrassingly fast, adding to the mess of slick and spend on the bed. He flushed all over, but the damage was done, and the floodgates <em>opened</em>. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For the rest of his heat, his brother was all he could think of, all he could <em>allow</em> himself to think of, lest the memories of Svadilfari came flooding back in. Thor’s broad hands on his chest, pinching his nipples, the sharp pain-pleasure making Loki drive himself back on Thor’s cock. And God, Thor’s cock—his thick, fat alpha knot—rubbing Loki’s rim raw, his rumbling voice telling Loki what a good boy he was, what a pretty omega, rutting on his alpha’s cock.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thor calling him <em>brother</em>, Thor letting Loki crawl into his lap, Thor holding him while he went under. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em>Thor, Thor, Thor</em>.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">—</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t emerge for two days, but when he finally did, he made sure to shower off all the grime he’d accumulated, to change all the sheets and spray some freshener into the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He found Thor and Sleipnir waiting for him in the kitchen. He vaguely remembered Thor leaving bottles of water and plates of food outside his door—he hadn’t come into the room, hadn’t even tried, not once, while Loki was going through his heat.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Daddy!” Sleipnir said, jumping from the table and throwing himself at Loki.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi, baby,” Loki said, hauling his son into his arms and hugging him tight. Sleipnir’s skinny arms wrapped around his neck, and he snuggled up close.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At the stove, Thor was wearing a pink apron, and his eyepatch was a shimmery green color. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki blushed to see him, and willed his mind away from his heat-induced fantasies.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We wanted to make you breakfast,” Thor said, flipping the last pancake onto a plate, then drizzling the whole heavenly stack with syrup. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Of course, Loki thought, blushing hotter. Thor had probably smelled his heat, and smelled when it had broken.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you okay, daddy?” Sleipnir asked, clinging to him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Loki hummed, meeting Thor’s gaze over his son’s head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then, Loki smiled, and Thor smiled back, relief spreading over his features.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m great, baby, thank you for asking,” Loki said, kissing Sleipnir’s forehead. “Those pancakes look amazing. Did you help, baby?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I made the batter, daddy!” Sleipnir exclaimed, squirming excitedly in Loki’s arms.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“<em>Thank you</em>,” Loki mouthed at Thor, meeting his gaze for a moment before returning his attention to his son, who started to fill Loki in on everything he and Uncle Thor had done for the past two days. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“So, how do you guys feel about Halloween?”</p>
<p>Loki looked up from the book he was engrossed in. On TV, Sleipnir’s video game character slowed to a halt in the middle of a bright forest. </p>
<p>“What’s Hall’ween, Uncle Thor?” Sleipnir asked, turning to blink at Thor. </p>
<p>Loki bit his lip. He realized, suddenly, that he hadn’t spared a thought for Halloween in years. It was a strange feeling that came upon him often, the realization that things had still gone on in the world while he’d been trapped in a seemingly-endless cycle of fear and misery. Loki couldn’t even remember the last time he’d seen a real pumpkin.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>huge thank you to j for the beta for this chapter! ⭐️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You don’t wanna get in?”</p>
<p>Loki looked up, curling up further under the shade of the large umbrella Thor had opened up. Thor held out a glass of lemonade, which Loki took with a murmur of thanks. </p>
<p>Sleipnir was splashing around on the stairs on the shallow side of the pool. Loki couldn’t help but worry, even though Sleipnir had taken to swimming like a duck to water—and was even wearing a pair of duck floaties that Thor had bought him.</p>
<p>“I’m good, thanks,” Loki said. “It’s a bit chilly.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Thor laughed, wrapping his arms around himself and miming a shiver, “but I’m a sucker for the kid’s puppy eyes.”</p>
<p>“Aren’t we all,” Loki said, smiling. </p>
<p>“You sure you don’t mind being all alone here?”</p>
<p>“I can see the two of you perfectly fine,” Loki said, nudging Thor gently towards the pool with his foot. “Go.”</p>
<p>Thor beamed at him, then stripped off his shirt and tossed it off to the side before canon-balling into the water, to the sound of Sleipnir’s delighted shrieks. </p>
<p>Loki swallowed a gulp of lemonade, suddenly feeling too hot despite the overcast sky. </p>
<p>“Daddy, look!” Sleipnir yelled, laughing as Thor swam over and let him clamber onto his shoulders. </p>
<p>“Have fun, baby,” Loki called back. </p>
<p>It would have been nice to join them. The chill wasn’t actually too bad, and the water looked inviting. The problem was having to take his shirt off. The first time they’d gone swimming, Loki had kept the shirt on, and every other time, he’d begged off on getting into the water.</p>
<p>Thor hadn’t asked, and Loki was grateful.</p>
<p>There were some things he wasn’t ready to share with Thor yet, even though he had already shared the most important parts, including his son. There had been a general description of his abuse under Svadilfari in the file he’d filled out for the OPS, disclosed of his own volition: the rape, the starvation, the emotional, verbal and physical violence. But no specifics. </p>
<p>Loki hadn’t even taken a closer look at the scars himself, though he knew they were there. Knew how bad they would look on his sallow skin. </p>
<p>Thor was beautiful, as golden as he’d always been, and he was a wealthy, charismatic alpha with a generous heart. Loki’s ideas of entering into a relationship with him had dissolved as soon as Thor had let him into his house. There was no way Thor would ever want him, and that was for the best.</p>
<p>And though Loki had fantasized about Thor through his heat—fantasies were all they were and ever would be. What Thor didn’t know wouldn’t kill him, and for once Loki was happy to have a secret that was his alone. </p>
<p>Thor didn’t have to know—Thor <em> wouldn’t </em> know, not if Loki could help it. His brother had given him too much already. And if there was anything that Loki could offer him in return, it was his love, given freely and expecting nothing in return. </p>
<p>It wouldn’t be nearly enough to balance out the scales, not by a long-shot. But it was all Loki had. </p>
<p>—</p>
<p>“So, how do you guys feel about Halloween?”</p>
<p>Loki looked up from the book he was engrossed in. On TV, Sleipnir’s video game character slowed to a halt in the middle of a bright forest. </p>
<p>“What’s Hall’ween, Uncle Thor?” Sleipnir asked, turning to blink at Thor. </p>
<p>Loki bit his lip. He realized, suddenly, that he hadn’t spared a thought for Halloween in years. It was a strange feeling that came upon him often, the realization that things had still gone on in the world while he’d been trapped in a seemingly-endless cycle of fear and misery. Loki couldn’t even remember the last time he’d seen a real pumpkin.</p>
<p>“…and the best thing is that you get all the candy you want,” Thor was saying, turning to Loki and waggling his eyebrows. As usual, he’d taken it completely in stride that Sleipnir had never heard of something that must have been so commonplace to anyone else. </p>
<p>“<em> All </em> the candy?” Sleipnir asked, eyes widening comically. He put the video game controller on the floor—he always set it down so gently—and clambered onto the couch between Thor and Loki. </p>
<p>“Not <em> all </em> the candy,” Loki said, finally finding his voice. “Just enough. A moderate amount.”</p>
<p>“Even…even <i>KitKats</i>, daddy?”</p>
<p>Loki smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to the side of his son’s head. </p>
<p>“Even KitKats, baby,” he said softly. </p>
<p>“And we can carve pumpkins,” Thor said. “I’m not one for spooky decorations but I think we could put up a skull or two, right?”</p>
<p>“A skull?” Sleipnir asked, whipping his head towards Thor.</p>
<p>“A plastic one,” Loki said, smiling weakly at Thor.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Thor said, and winked. </p>
<p>“How do we get the candy?” Sleipnir asked, pushing his glasses up his nose. It was a new pair that Sleipnir had picked out himself, but they kept slipping down his nose anyway. </p>
<p>“Well,” Thor said, “the neighborhood organizes one of those trick-or-treating things every year.”</p>
<p>“Trickertreating?” Sleipnir asked. “What’s that?”</p>
<p>“It’s when you put on a costume and go around to other people’s houses and ask for treats,” Loki said.</p>
<p>“There’s gonna be lots of other kids you can meet,” Thor said.</p>
<p>Sleipnir stiffened at that, though, and his hands came to fiddle at the hem of his shirt. His demeanour changed completely, excitement draining away.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong, baby?” Loki asked, stroking a hand along Sleipnir’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“You don’t want to go trick-or-treating?” Thor asked.</p>
<p>“No, thank you, Uncle Thor,” Sleipnir mumbled. </p>
<p>Loki met Thor’s eyes over Sleipnir’s head and gave a little shake of his head. </p>
<p><em> No strangers</em>, he mouthed. </p>
<p>In response, Thor ruffled Sleipnir’s hair gently, scuffing him up. </p>
<p>“That’s okay too,” Thor said. “We can leave a bowl of candy outside for the kids and spend the night watching movies. How does that sound, buddy?”</p>
<p>“Can I get some candy too?” Sleipnir asked, in a small voice. He bit his lip and looked down at his hands. </p>
<p>“Of course you can, baby,” Loki said. He reached out and put a hand on Sleipnir’s, squeezing gently. </p>
<p>“I’ll get you all the KitKats you want,” Thor said, hugging Sleipnir playfully against him. Sleipnir replied with a delighted giggle, and Loki’s tension unspooled.</p>
<p>“A <em> moderate </em> amount,” Loki said, but it was a weak protest.</p>
<p>“But you definitely have to wear a costume,” Thor said, and Loki relaxed into the sofa as Sleipnir and Thor chattered on, discussing their options. In the end, Sleipnir decided he wanted to dress up as the character from his favorite video game, a wandering warrior awoken from a thousand-year sleep to a world much-changed. </p>
<p>Loki’s heart ached at how apt the choice was.</p>
<p>Thor then spent a few hours each day working in his toolshed in the backyard, and by the time Halloween came around, he presented Sleipnir with a sword and a shield he had finessed out of plywood, which Sleipnir accepted with a reverence that Loki associated with holy sacraments. They finished the look off with a haphazard colander helmet. </p>
<p>Thor, of course, decided to dress as a pirate, and had fashioned himself a wooden cutlass to go along with the eyepatch (red, this time) and a cozy sweater. Loki hadn’t planned on a costume, but Thor presented him with a cutlass of his own, and declared them a band of travelling mercenaries. </p>
<p>Sleipnir was <em> delighted</em>.</p>
<p>After setting a big bowl of candy outside—making sure, of course, to set some KitKats aside for Sleipnir—they spent the night watching kids’ movies, catching both Loki and Sleipnir up on the state of animated cinema. </p>
<p>Loki, who had never heard his son sing before, nearly cried when Sleipnir was humming the next day, and <em> did </em> cry when he asked for Loki to play a song from one of the movies they’d watched.</p>
<p>Thor made a playlist. Loki still caught himself singing odd verses every so often.</p>
<p>After two months of living with Thor, of basking in his kindness and radiant love, and seeing Sleipnir flourish under Thor’s gentle care, Loki could finally admit to himself that he had never been happier. </p>
<p>He knew it was too good to last—knew that all good things came with a price. But maybe, just maybe, this was something they could keep. And if he was good enough, maybe, Thor would want to keep them too. </p>
<p>—</p>
<p>The door swung open, and a heavily pregnant omega stepped out with a hand on her stomach. </p>
<p>Loki’s nose twitched. This late in her pregnancy, the scent of her pheromones was heavy, and Loki could catch hints of her emotions in the sweet cloud that exuded from her: apprehension and worry, but mostly an overwhelming sense of contentment. </p>
<p>“Loki, are you ready?” Natasha held the door open, smiling gently.</p>
<p>When Loki sat across from her, Natasha pulled out his chart, looking it over. </p>
<p>“Anything in particular you’d like to talk about?” she asked. </p>
<p>Loki shrugged, tugging his sleeves over his wrists. On his lap, he held Thor’s bunched-up red sweater. Loki hadn’t remembered to get one until he was outside, opening the door to the taxi, and Thor had run up to him, slipping the sweater over his head and tucking it into Loki’s arms. </p>
<p>“You need to stay warm,” Thor had said, stern, as if Loki was in danger of freezing to death on the ride from the house to the OPS office. </p>
<p>Now, as his fingers unconsciously curled around the plush fabric, Loki felt warm without even having to wear it.</p>
<p>“How are you adjusting?” Natasha asked. </p>
<p>“It’s been good,” Loki said, helplessly breaking into a smile. </p>
<p>Natasha grinned, quick and bright, and Loki began to haltingly tell her about how wonderful Thor was, how well he’d treated Sleipnir and Loki for the past few months.</p>
<p>“And he even watched Sleipnir while I was going through my heat,” Loki said, ducking his head as his cheeks flushed warmly. </p>
<p>“And how did your heat go?” Natasha asked, leaning back against her chair with a neutral expression.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Loki said, looking down at his hands. “It was—good. I had some toys and I didn’t have to worry about Sleipnir, and Thor left out some food and water for me.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Natasha said, nodding. “That’s wonderful, Loki, I’m really happy.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Loki breathed. He closed his eyes and sighed, lifting a hand to rub at his chest, at the hollow feeling that was starting to build there. </p>
<p>“Is there something else you’d like to talk about?” Natasha asked gently. “Something on your mind?”</p>
<p>Loki felt his mouth slide into a grimace. </p>
<p>“It’s stupid,” he said.</p>
<p>“It’s really not, Loki,” Natasha said. “If it’s important to you, I’d like to hear about it.”</p>
<p>“You know you’re not actually my therapist, right?” Loki asked dryly. </p>
<p>“No,” Natasha replied, just as dry, “I’m just a licensed counselor and, oh, your social worker.”</p>
<p>Loki smiled weakly, but it faltered as soon as the thoughts came back. Thoughts he’d fought to suppress ever since his heat had passed. After the initial high, the feeling of victory and self-ownership, he’d felt twitchy, exposed.</p>
<p>Loki inhaled shakily. “I should—I should feel good about it. About being unmated, about being able to go through my heats on my own...”</p>
<p>“…but?”</p>
<p>“But I can’t stop thinking about how he—how Svad—he never mated me. Never claimed me. Never gave me a mating mark, no matter how much he said he loved me—or how horribly he tried to own me in so many other ways—”</p>
<p>Loki’s breath was coming out faster, his words spilling from his mouth unchecked. He clamped down on them, hard, and opened his eyes to ground himself, to escape from the dizzying darkness inside his eyelids.</p>
<p>“He hurt me,” Loki choked out. “So much. But I stayed and I kept wanting him and giving myself to him, thinking that if I could be good enough—pleasing enough, submissive enough, just <em> enough</em>—that he would claim me and mate me and I wouldn’t have to be s-so fucking l-lonely anymore—” he broke into sobs, and he buried his face in Thor’s sweater as a reflex. </p>
<p>Thor’s scent was mild, but it was present, and Loki felt an embarrassing amount of comfort from it, even as hot tears ran down his face. </p>
<p>When he looked up, Natasha had nudged a box of Kleenex in his direction. </p>
<p>“Sorry,” Loki mumbled, reaching out to pluck some tissues from the box. </p>
<p>“It’s nothing to apologize for,” Natasha said smoothly. “And I think we can both agree that not having been mated by that alpha was ultimately a very good thing.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Loki nodded, feeling his tears starting to well up again. “Of course. I never would have been able to get out of there.”</p>
<p>“And I think you know this, but the reason why Svadilfari didn’t mate you was <em> precisely </em> to make you feel unwanted.”</p>
<p>Loki nodded, setting his fingers fidgeting in Thor’s sweater again. </p>
<p>“I know,” Loki said softly. </p>
<p>“If he’d mated you, he would have had to take care of you. People would have known whose omega you were, and that wasn’t something he wanted responsibility for.”</p>
<p>“No shit,” Loki muttered, then blanched. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>“No worries,” Natasha said with a smile. “I think we’re making good progress.”</p>
<p>“Are we?”</p>
<p>“You’ve never sworn at me before.” </p>
<p>“Fuck,” Loki said, just because he could.</p>
<p>“Does that feel good?” Natasha asked, grinning slyly.</p>
<p>“A little bit,” Loki admitted. He brought Thor’s sweater up to his nose and inhaled again. It helped settle his nerves, and Natasha made no comment.</p>
<p>“The things that Svadilfari did to you were meant to manipulate you and isolate you,” Natasha said, firm but gentle. “I know you recognize that now. It’s not always easy to accept.”</p>
<p>“He was all I had for a long time,” Loki whispered. </p>
<p>“Not anymore,” Natasha said.</p>
<p>“Not anymore,” Loki agreed.</p>
<p>—</p>
<p>Loki absently tugged at the loose threads of Thor’s sweater as he waited by the steps outside the OPS. He kept an eye on his phone, waiting for a text, but before he could grow worried, he saw Thor’s car across the street.</p>
<p>His heart leapt into his throat, and he almost raised a hand to wave. He felt almost giddy, just from Thor coming to pick him up.</p>
<p>Loki saw that Sleipnir had his face pressed to the glass in the backseat when the car came around, and Thor obligingly lowered the window so Loki could kiss his son’s forehead and cheeks before settling into the passenger seat.</p>
<p>“How’d it go?” Thor asked. He kept his eyes on the road, but his hand squeezed Loki’s briefly before retreating.</p>
<p>“We talked about some rough stuff,” Loki said, “but it felt good to get them out. Felt good to cry.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad, then,” Thor said, his eyes crinkling.</p>
<p>“Oh, also—” Loki held up Thor’s sweater. “I may have gotten my snot all over this.”</p>
<p>“Mmm, baby brother snot,” Thor said, grinning. “I’ve missed that.”</p>
<p>“I still have more if you want,” Loki teased.</p>
<p>“Disgusting. Have mercy,” Thor said dryly. </p>
<p>“Daddy, I have snot too!” Sleipnir exclaimed. </p>
<p>“Oh, baby, have a tissue—”</p>
<p>“Can I put my snot on Uncle Thor’s sweater too, daddy??” </p>
<p>“Go wild, kid,” Loki laughed, ducking when Thor reached over to muss his hair up.</p>
<p>“And here I was thinking that we would pass by the bakery on the way home,” Thor said, with an exaggerated sigh, even as he pulled into the parking lot of their favorite local bakeshop. “But if you’re too busy snotting on my sweater to get fresh waffles…”</p>
<p>“Noooo, Uncle Thoooor,” Sleipnir wailed dramatically. “Waffles pleeeease.”</p>
<p>Loki’s body shook with laughter. He tucked his nose into Thor’s sweater and breathed in deep.</p>
<p>He realized, slowly, like a flower unfurling its petals, that he was content. He was safe. He was <em> wanted</em>.</p>
<p>“You okay, Lo?” Thor asked in an undertone, glancing at him as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “Therapy wasn’t too rough?”</p>
<p>“I’m great,” Loki said, and meant it. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Aughhh,” Thor bellowed, and fell limp, defeated, against the snow. Then he emerged again with a roar, lifting a squealing Sleipnir up into his arms. </p>
<p>“Daddy!” Sleipnir giggled, “help!”</p>
<p>Loki scrambled to get a handful of snow, but before he could attack, Thor set Sleipnir on the ground and grinned at his brother.</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare,” Loki warned, panting. His half-made snowball fell to the ground as he laughed and lifted his arms in surrender. But Thor was advancing—and he pounced.</p>
<p>“Thor!” Loki cried out, laughing as Thor tackled him to the ground. </p>
<p>His breath caught in his throat, though, when he found himself on his back, staring up at his brother’s smiling face.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi!! i powered through and wrote more of this fic, and i have stuff for the next chapter percolating already 👏🏽</p>
<p>i hope people are still interested in this!!! it's a little late, but have a christmas chapter!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a noticeable chill in the air lately, and Sleipnir had begun staring out from the windows, expectant for his first glimpse of snow. Loki had other things on his mind—namely, keeping his son warm. </p>
<p>“Can we make a snowman, daddy? Can we go sledding? Can we have a snowball fight?” Sleipnir asked, inquisitive but standing patiently still as Loki fitted him with jackets and coats. Outside the dressing room, Thor was talking to the saleslady, exchanging pleasantries in a way that still made Loki’s stomach churn. He still hadn’t quite worked himself up to making small-talk with strangers. </p>
<p>“We’ll see, baby. There might not be enough snow. But I think between you and me and Uncle Thor, we can figure something out. Arms up, please.”</p>
<p>Sleipnir obeyed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Loki gathered up the clothes they’d picked out—trying very hard not to think of the price tags—and helped Sleipnir back into his own clothes. </p>
<p>“Uncle Thor says it might snow by next week,” Sleipnir chattered as Loki opened the door and led him out. </p>
<p>“I’ve been keeping an eye on that weather report,” Thor said, grinning as he saw them. He picked Sleipnir up and tucked him to his chest, bouncing him. He liked to carry Sleipnir in his arms. Loki thought Sleipnir was a bit too old for it, but they both seemed to enjoy it, and, truth be told, it made his heart feel lighter to see that Thor seemed to genuinely care for his son. </p>
<p>“We’ll take these, please,” Loki said, handing an armful of clothes to the saleslady, who smiled wide and began to lead them to the checkout counter.</p>
<p>Behind him, Thor and Sleipnir were talking about Christmas, which was, after all, only two weeks away. </p>
<p>“Are you excited for Santa’s visit this year?” Thor was asking.</p>
<p>“I dunno…” Sleipnir said, slow and hesitant. “He’s never visited before…”</p>
<p>Loki’s heart clenched. He bit his lip, wondering if he should intervene.</p>
<p>“He probably got lost on the way to your house,” Thor said, reassuring. “We’ll write him a letter this year, make sure he gets it.”</p>
<p>“Can we do that?” Sleipnir asked, sounding breathless. </p>
<p>“‘Course we can,” Thor said. He stepped up beside Loki as the clothes were scanned and folded, then reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He handed it to Sleipnir, who pulled out a sleek credit card and handed it to the cashier. Loki reached out to take the shopping bags. </p>
<p>“Happy Holidays!” the cashier said, smiling, and Loki nodded in thanks. In the background, <em>White Christmas </em>was playing, slow and grand and dreamy. </p>
<p>“Why didn’t we get gifts from Santa before, daddy?” Sleipnir asked as they left with their purchases. It was an innocent question. Loki had no idea what to say.</p>
<p>Before Loki could come up with a response, Sleipnir continued, softly, “Svad said it’s because I was bad and bad boys don’t get gifts.”</p>
<p>Fuck. Bad, not <em>naughty</em>. Not <em>impolite</em>, or <em>mischievous</em>, but <em>bad</em>. </p>
<p>Loki turned to his son immediately, reaching out to stroke his hair. Thor gave him an apologetic look, wincing.</p>
<p>“Of course not, baby, you’re not bad,” Loki said. “Santa just gets a little busy sometimes. I’m sure this year he’ll make it to Uncle Thor’s house.”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna do my best to be good, daddy,” Sleipnir said, face set in determination. </p>
<p>“I know you will, baby. You already are,” Loki said, smiling. He kissed Sleipnir’s head and his son squirmed. Thor laughed, hoisting him down to stand on the floor and taking his hand instead. </p>
<p>“What do you want from Santa?” Thor asked, meeting Loki’s eyes and winking. “We’ll put it in the letter.”</p>
<p>“Oh!” Sleipnir said. He wrinkled his nose, thinking. “Can I get a bike? And books for daddy? And, and stuff for you too, Uncle Thor!”</p>
<p>“I’m sure Santa can put your daddy and me on the list,” Thor said solemnly. </p>
<p>“I really hope so,” Sleipnir said seriously. “I don’t want Santa to forget daddy and me again.”</p>
<p>“He’s not going to,” Thor said. “I promise. We’ll write the letter today and we’ll mail it ourselves, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay!” Sleipnir said, then hugged Thor’s leg. “Thank you, Uncle Thor. Thank you, daddy.”</p>
<p>Then he squealed as Thor lifted him again, hauling him over his shoulder and tickling him.</p>
<p>Loki smiled helplessly. As they left the mall, he breathed in the cold, fresh smell of the oncoming winter, and felt his heart thaw, just a little more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>“Daddy! Daddy, wake up!”</p>
<p>Loki gasped awake, rolling over to his side, his heart beating rapidly.</p>
<p>“What is it, baby? What’s wrong?” he asked, blinking as he sought out Sleipnir’s form in the dim room.</p>
<p>“It’s snowing!” Sleipnir exclaimed. He was standing on tiptoe at the window, and through the clear glass, Loki could see a light flurry swirling down from the sky. Sleipnir bounced on his feet excitedly, and Loki bit back a groan, rubbing at his chest to calm him down.</p>
<p>“Please don’t scare me like that baby,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady.</p>
<p>“Sorry, daddy,” Sleipnir said softly, walking over to the bed.</p>
<p>Loki accepted the apology and the hug that came with it, then drew Sleipnir tight and hefted him into his arms.</p>
<p>“Oof,” Loki said, only half-joking as he carried his son over to the window. “You’re getting heavy, baby.”</p>
<p>“Uncle Thor doesn’t think so!” Sleipnir said, distracted by the way he was trying to press his face up against the window and wiggling to get closer. </p>
<p>“Well, your Uncle Thor is 99% muscle,” Loki muttered. </p>
<p>“Can we go outside?” Sleipnir asked, his small hands smudging the glass as he squirmed. “Pleeease, daddy, can we go outside?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course,” Loki said, staring as the snow fell in fat white flakes. It had been a while since he’d had a proper white Christmas, not since he’d run away with Svadifalri to the other side of the country. The last time it had snowed where they lived, Loki had been pregnant, and he and Svad had been together for five years. He’d taken a risk and left the apartment one afternoon as a rare snowfall began, and though it had been gray and wet and disappointing, he’d relished being outside. He’d been caught, of course. The only reason Svad hadn’t hurt him too badly was because of the baby, and still Loki carried the scars of that beating on his skin. </p>
<p>A knock on the doorway startled him, and Sleipnir wriggled out of his arms as Loki shook himself out of his reverie.</p>
<p>“Anyone wanna go play in the snow?” Thor asked, his arms filled with the new winter clothes they’d bought. A sweater and a coat and mittens. Snow boots, too. He was even carrying a pair of earmuffs. Loki had protested it was too much, but Thor had grandly proclaimed that nothing was too much for his favorite nephew—and his favorite brother.</p>
<p>“I wanna go, Uncle Thor!” Sleipnir exclaimed, his tiny body almost vibrating with delight. “I wanna go!”</p>
<p>“Suit up, kiddo,” Thor said, grinning. “And you too, Lo.”</p>
<p>Together, they bundled Sleipnir up until he was cozy as a caterpillar, and Loki smiled to himself as he went over to the closet and pulled out the new winter coat Thor had bought him. It was a deep, gorgeous maroon. Thor had a matching one in emerald.</p>
<p>He almost didn’t want to wear it, but Thor was waiting eagerly, smiling as Sleipnir tugged impatiently on his hand. </p>
<p>“You look great,” Thor said, when Loki slipped the coat on over the sweater he was already wearing—Thor’s sweater, fresh from the laundry, had somehow gotten mixed into his clothes, and it was too comfy for Loki to give up now.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Loki mumbled, flushing. The clothes <em>were</em> very warm. </p>
<p>“Time for a snow day!” Thor said, easily hefting Sleipnir into one arm.</p>
<p><em>99% muscle</em>, Loki thought to himself as they trooped out the door and into Sleipnir’s winter wonderland.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Loki sighed with contentment as he crunched through the snow in Thor’s front yard. It was coming down hard now, already piling up in small drifts along the fences and the roads. Sleipnir and Thor had already made snow angels, and now Thor was teaching his nephew how to make the perfect snowballs. </p>
<p>As a few kids from the neighborhood began their own snowball fight, Sleipnir looked on with longing.  </p>
<p>“You wanna play with the other kids, baby?” Loki asked. </p>
<p>Sleipnir shrugged, biting his lip. “Not really, daddy,” he mumbled. </p>
<p>Loki glanced over at the mess of kids running around and shrieking, and wondered if he should go over and introduce his son. Before he could do anything, though, there was a <em>thump!</em> as something cold and hard and wet hit him on the back. </p>
<p>He whirled around and found Sleipnir staring wide-eyed at him. Very quickly, he jumped up and declared, “Uncle Thor did it!”</p>
<p>And so the fight began. Sleipnir, ever-loyal, took Loki’s side as they scrambled to launch a counter-attack. Forts were erected, snowballs were hurled, and at the end of the battle, Sleipnir sat on Thor’s chest and held him down as Loki gathered as much snow as he could and dumped it all on his brother.</p>
<p>“Aughhh,” Thor bellowed, and fell limp, defeated, against the snow. Then he emerged again with a roar, lifting a squealing Sleipnir up into his arms. </p>
<p>“Daddy!” Sleipnir giggled, “help!”</p>
<p>Loki scrambled to get a handful of snow, but before he could attack, Thor set Sleipnir on the ground and grinned at his brother.</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare,” Loki warned, panting. His half-made snowball fell to the ground as he laughed and lifted his arms in surrender. But Thor was advancing—and he pounced.</p>
<p>“Thor!” Loki cried out, laughing as Thor tackled him to the ground. </p>
<p>His breath caught in his throat, though, when he found himself on his back, staring up at his brother’s smiling face. </p>
<p>Thor was so very large, and so very strong. Loki should have been terrified—Thor certainly thought so, his eyes growing wide as he realized what he’d done.</p>
<p>But instead Loki only shook his head, breathless and exhilarated.</p>
<p>In the short moment between Thor pinning him down and then apologetically scrambling off of him, time seemed to slow down, and some part of Loki wanted to as well—wanted to stretch and bare himself for the man who held him.</p>
<p><em>Alpha</em>, Loki thought. In his head, it sounded like a purr.</p>
<p>And then Sleipnir threw himself on Thor, yelling about avenging his daddy, and the moment snapped and dissipated.</p>
<p>Eventually, drenched and exhausted, they decided that Thor should make them all hot chocolate and it was time to get cozy inside the house. </p>
<p>Loki took himself and Sleipnir into their room to clean up and dry off, and when they exited into the living room—which was lovely and toasty and warm, because Thor didn’t worry about having money to spare for heating—Loki’s brain stuttered to a halt.</p>
<p>His brother was coming out of the kitchen with three mugs of hot chocolate in his two large hands. And he was shirtless. </p>
<p><em>99% muscle</em>, Loki’s brain taunted him again. </p>
<p>“You okay, Lo?” Thor asked. Loki opened his mouth, and then closed it, nodding. And, oh no. Thor smelled <em>good</em>. Like chocolate and cinnamon. And underneath that, the very mild scent of his pheromones—it came to Loki not as a smell but as a feeling. As warmth and security and the familiar sensation of his heart melting with relief, the way it often did, at the complete lack of threat that Thor embodied. </p>
<p>“You just—you smell very—alpha,” Loki replied, feeling himself blush.  </p>
<p>“Oh,” Thor said, looking a bit flushed himself. “Sorry, I’ll, uh, I’ll go—shower—”</p>
<p>“No!” Loki said, flustered. “No—I mean, it’s fine, Thor, it’s your home and your living room, you can go around in whatever you want—”</p>
<p>“Whoa, Uncle Thor, you have muscles like Thunderman!”</p>
<p>Loki and Thor’s heads whirled over to where Sleipnir was setting up the PS4, holding the disc for one of his favorite games: The Defenders. </p>
<p>Thor laughed sheepishly, shaking his head. </p>
<p>“Well, he’s not wrong,” Loki said, taking a quick sip of his drink to hide his blush. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Thor said, scrubbing a hand through his face and hair. He lowered his voice so Sleipnir couldn’t hear. “Seriously, I should have realized—and the thing earlier too, when I shoved you into the snow, fuck, Lo, I’m really sorry—”</p>
<p>“Thor,” Loki said firmly. “It’s okay. Honestly. I’m doing much better, and I—I liked it. I mean, it was nice to rough-house a bit. Like pack, you know?”</p>
<p>“Like pack,” Thor repeated. He nodded. “You’ll tell me, though, right? If I ever overstep?”</p>
<p>“You’ll be the first to know. Promise. Now let’s drink some hot chocolate.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Thor said, looking relieved. “But I really should shower.” He grinned, squeezing Loki’s shoulder as he walked past.</p>
<p>“Daddy, I want muscles too,” Sleipnir said, settling himself on the couch.</p>
<p>“Someday, baby,” Loki said, watching Thor’s beautiful back disappear down the hallway. “Someday.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>That night, he and Thor dug out the Christmas decorations from the garage. There were strings and strings of lights, boxes of tinsel and wreaths to hang on every corner. And, Loki noted, they all looked brand new.</p>
<p>“Did you just buy these?” Loki said, opening another box and finding a pile of golden, snowflake-encrusted Christmas baubles. “These don’t even look used.”</p>
<p>Thor had the grace to look sheepish, laughing like he’d been caught-out. </p>
<p>“I’m not really one for decorations, myself,” he said, rubbing the back of his head.</p>
<p>“Did you just <em>buy</em> these for me and Sleipnir?” Loki asked, incredulous.</p>
<p>“When, uh, when Natasha said you’d be coming over, I thought—well. We were definitely going to have to do Christmas, right? And I just. I wanted to do something good for you guys. It’s your home too. You should get to decorate.”</p>
<p>“Thor,” Loki breathed, feeling his eyes start to water. He wondered when it would stop, this feeling of having the air knocked out of him from the sheer breadth of gratitude he felt for his brother.</p>
<p>“I may have gone a little overboard,” Thor said. “I, ah, I also ordered a tree. Uh. Maybe two trees?”</p>
<p>Loki’s mouth twitched, and he felt something bubbling up in his chest, effervescent. Before he knew it, he was laughing, <em>guffawing</em>, bending at the waist as he struggled to breathe.</p>
<p>Beside him, Thor was laughing too, embarrassed.</p>
<p>Before Loki could stop himself, he strode forward and hugged Thor, feeling his brother stiffen for the slightest of moments before scooping Loki up in his arms.</p>
<p>“I’m so glad you’re home, Lo,” Thor murmured into his hair.</p>
<p>Loki’s breath hitched on a sob, and nodded, letting his tears seep into Thor’s shirt.</p>
<p>—</p>
<p>The two trees arrived early the next morning, and iIt took them the better part of the day to get all the decorations up. While Loki wove the tinsel around, Thor helped Sleipnir put each ornament on the branches, gentle and patient in a way that made Loki’s heart feel too big for his chest. There were other decorations too: lights on the mantel, wreaths on the doors, a centerpiece at the dining table. Little knick-knacks that Sleipnir handled with utmost care were strewn on shelves and counters. </p>
<p>By the time they were done, the sun had set and the last thing to do was to put the star on top of the two trees. Thor put up the one for the tree in the entryway, but asked Sleipnir if he wanted to do the one in the living room.</p>
<p>It seemed impossible, Loki thought, as Thor lifted Sleipnir up on his shoulders. The star went on, lopsided, and Thor surreptitiously adjusted it when Sleipnir turned his back.</p>
<p>Impossible that, just a few months ago, Loki had been living on scraps from a man who beat him and disparaged him, who starved him and his son and used Loki’s body whenever he wanted, however he wanted. </p>
<p>Loki had never been one to believe in miracles, but if this wasn’t one, then he didn’t know what was.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks so much for reading! </p>
<p>kudos and comments always appreciated 🥰 let me know what you thought of the chapter!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Catch me on twitter @sendaraven! :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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